Last time we talked about the definition of anger. To recap, Anger is the emotion of self-preservation or self- protection. When you take the self-preservation stance you are attempting to protect one of three things. You will attempt to protect your personal worth and value, your essential needs and/or your personal convictions.
Most of you recognize when your personal worth or value has been attacked especially if someone uses offensive names in an attempt to win an argument or to bring rejection or condemnation. You may begin to feel devalued or disrespected.
However, it is more difficult to recognize how to communicate some of our essential needs. Everyone needs and wants respect, validation, affirmation and to feel dignity. It can be a challenge to communicate the need for respect and validation. Using I/me statements is a great way to start. For example, I feel sad, I need a hug, I desire respect in my relationships, versus you never touch me, you are so disrespectful or you are a jerk. “You”, statements will usually lead to accusation and blame.
You may also want to do some self-examination and ask yourself, “Is my perception correct? Do I see disrespect where there is none? Did someone intentionally withdraw love or invalidate me?”
Next week, I will talk more about human needs. Until then think more about I/Me statements.
If you want to read more about Johnny: Johnny’s Bio